DEALING WITH STRESS

Everyone feels stressed at times. You may feel under pressure, worried, tense, upset, sad, angry - or maybe a mixture of uncomfortable feelings. There are many ordinary situations that can make you feel stressed. For example, your school work  or office work may pile up, preparing for exams may seem as if it's taking forever. The bills aren’t going to stop coming,  At home you may be arguing with parents, brothers or sisters, or close friends.

Stress can be even worse if your family is breaking up, someone close to you is ill or dies, or if you are being physically or sexually or emotionally abused.

It may seem that there’s nothing you can do about your stress level. there will never be more hours in the day for all your errands, and your career or family responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think. In fact, the simple realization that you’re in control of your life is the foundation of stress management.

Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun – plus the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet challenges head on.

Identify the sources of stress in your life

Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your true sources of stress aren’t always obvious, and it’s all too easy to overlook your own stress-inducing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Sure, you may know that you’re constantly worried about work deadlines. But maybe it’s your procrastination, rather than the actual job demands, that leads to deadline stress.

To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:

·         Do you explain away stress as temporary even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?

·        Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life  or as a part of your personality

·        Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control.

Avoid unnecessary stress

Not all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.

  Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities when you’re close to reaching them. Taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.

Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely. 

Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.

Avoid hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.

Pare down your to-do list – Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

Alter the situation

If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.

Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.

Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.

 Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.

Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress you’re under.

Adapt to the stressor

If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.

Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.

 Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”

 Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.

 Adjusting Your Attitude

How you think can have a profound effect on your emotional and physical well-being. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never," "should," and "must." These are telltale marks of self-defeating thoughts.

 Accept the things you can’t change

Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.

Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.

 Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.

  Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.

 Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.

The truth is that, creators of stress are everywhere in our lives, the way we handle is what determines the effect it has on us.

I enjoin us to live a stress free life, let’s make the best of every 24hours, let’s give the best of our lives to things that matter, you are needed strong and alive so that together we can be the best we are meant to be, I believe in u BDIVAconcept

STAYING STRONG

We are all welcome to a new month and the 2^nd half of the year; I personally believe that, it’s never really over until it is finally over. People look back at the first six months and feel like major time has been wasted, yes it might have been but it’s not yet over.
At some point in life, we will all face obstacles and challenges.
It is said that it is not what we go through in life, but it is how we handle the hard times that really matter. When bad things happen to us, most of the time we feel angry, sad or depressed. We feel like we are powerless and that we cannot change our lives for the better. Some of us even give up trying.
The good news is that we don't have to be depressed or give up. When bad things happen to us-whether it is a job loss, or some other painful experience, we have two choices.
We can either wallow in self pity, or we can choose to empower ourselves. We are more powerful than we realize and can take the necessary steps towards being optimistic and maintaining a positive outlook.
How can we be happy when everything in our lives seems to be going wrong?
Here are some tips that will inspire you to be at your best when life seems at its worst.
*Trust in a higher power/Get in touch with you spiritual side
when hard times present themselves, make the choice to be happy.
The more you connect with yourself; you increase your overall happiness and self-worth.
*Focus on the positive aspects of your life
It's easy to focus on negative things when we are down in the dumps, but to increase happiness, think about the things you are happiest about.
We really do become what we think. What can you be happy about or excited about if you wanted to be? You can also think about what you are most grateful for in your life. When you think about happiness or about something you are grateful for, you experience those positive emotions and more happiness will come your way.
*Be good to your body
Exercising and eating well is one of the best things you can do to increase positive emotions and confidence in yourself. Taking care of yourself physically will not only make you look great on the outside, but will lift stress and make you feel better on the inside.
*Spoil Yourself
When you feel down in the dumps, treat yourself extra special.
Have a pampering day. Go to your favorite places, buy yourself those jeans you wanted or go out with friends you have not seen in a while. Whatever you do, make it something that makes you feel good!
Staying positive during hard times can sometimes be challenging, but there are many things you can do to maintain your happiness. Making a conscious decision that tough times won't get the best of you is a great start. Taking good care of yourself and keeping a positive mindset is a sure way to happiness, joy and peace.
So as we sail in this month of Perfection I enjoin us to see only the bright side of life and be the best in all we do, we might not be going through tough times but we can’t afford to be satisfied with where we are, it’s time to make the best of the remaining parts of this year and for whatever time of the year you get to read this, know that you have got so much in you to remain negative. Be the best in all you do cos…I BELIEVE IN YOU….meetBUSAYO

CREATIVITY?

Creativity is the bringing into being of something which did not exist before, either as a product, a process or a thought.

You would be demonstrating creativity if you: 

• Invent something which has never existed before
• Invent something which exists elsewhere but you are not aware of
• Invent a new process for doing something
• Reapply an existing process or product into a new or different market
• Develop a new way of looking at something (bringing a new idea into existence)
• Change the way someone else looks at something

In fact, we are all creative every day because we are constantly changing the ideas which we hold about the world about us. Creativity does not have to be about developing something new to the world, it is more to do with developing something new to ourselves. When we change ourselves, the world changes with us, both in the way that the world is affected by our changed actions and in the changed way that we experience the world.

Creativity can be used to make products, processes and services better and it can be used to create them in the first place. It is expected that increasing your creativity will help you, your organization and your customers become happier through improvements in your quality and quantity of output.

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Creative thinking is the process which we use when we come up with a new idea. It is the merging of ideas which have not been merged before. Brainstorming is one form of creative thinking: it works by merging someone else's ideas with your own to create a new one. You are using the ideas of others as a stimulus for your own.

This creative thinking process can be accidental or deliberate.

Without using special techniques creative thinking does still occur, but usually in the accidental way; like a chance happening making you think about something in a different way and you then discovering a beneficial change. Other changes happen slowly through pure use of intelligence and logical progression. Using this accidental or logical progression process, it often takes a long time for products to develop and improve. In an accelerating and competitive world this is obviously disadvantageous.

Using special techniques, deliberate creative thinking can be used to develop new ideas. These techniques force the mergence of a wide range of ideas to spark off new thoughts and processes. Brainstorming is one of these special techniques, but traditionally it starts with unoriginal ideas.

Developments of products occur much more rapidly using these deliberate techniques than by accident. Many people known for being creative use these techniques, but are not aware they are doing so because they have not been formally trained in them. If you use these deliberate techniques
with practice, ongoing creative thinking (the continuous investigation, questioning and analysis that develops through education, training and self-awareness) occurs all the time. Ongoing creativity maximizes both accidental and deliberate creative thinking. Ongoing creativity takes time and deliberate practice to become skillful at, but it's surprising how quickly it becomes an attitude, not a technique.

The truth is that one way or the other every one of us has some form of creativity somewhere in us. I enjoin us to think deep, take our time and bring out that best in us, your immediate environment is the richest source of opportunity don’t kill that bright idea cos you feel you don’t have the finance, don’t write that person off cos you think he might not be of help, he might just be who you need to see to get to who you need, seize every opportunity to be creative around you and never forget that ONLY a Positive and Optimistic mind that can be creative…. Go forth and be the best you can be in all you do…I BELIEVE IN YOU…BDIVAconcept

your life purpose

It’s the first day of the last month of the first quarter in the year, gradually, dreams are achieved, some dreams procrastinated and others fading away. The truth is that we all have Loads of things we love to achieve, but a lot of us don’t even have the faintest idea of where we ought to start from. As we go into this month, ild like to give us this 3 parts of our life purpose which could help us start something and help ascertain the direction we are on for those who have started something There are 3 parts to your life purpose ... Step #1 Motivations First, think of the 10-12 activities you like to do most. Next you determine what actions are required to do your favorite activities. Think in terms of "action verbs"; action verbs are words like: create, nurture, restore, categorize, communicate, etc. Then, narrow it down to the top 3 choices. Step #2 Principles Next you think of the ideals that you, personally, believe in most strongly. What you stand for. Come up with as many as you can think of (10-12 if possible). Then you choose the single most important principle to you; your guiding principle. Step #3 Targets Your life purpose also involves being of service. Being of service to others. Being of service to others in the real world. Think about others in society who you care about strongly and would like to see helped, i.e. what groups or types of people or entity would you most like to serve or see helped? Think of as many as come to mind (10-12 if possible). Then you choose the single most important one to you, the one that you feel the strongest about. This is your target. After you complete these 3 exercises properly all 3 components of your life purpose will have been revealed to you. Just put the components together and you'll have uncovered your true purpose in life.

and you will have taken a giant step toward enlightenment ... and gained extremely valuable and practical knowledge you can use - today - to mold your life into what you want it to be. There will be a group of things you are interested in but I want you to note that… your purpose in life must be PEOPLE FRIENDLY…anything you are set to do that will have a negative impact on people must be avoided. Be the best you can be always and have a Fulfilling month ahead… I BELIEVE IN YOU

A FULFILLING LIFE...WITH POSITIVITY AND PURPOSE?

To write words that make others think and feel.

To create things that challenge me and/or make me smile.

To accept people and situations for what they are.

To experience life and share my thoughts with others.

To love people and animals with my whole heart.

To be at peace with myself and those around me.

To make others happy through my own quest for joy.

To smile and laugh as often as I possibly can.

To work hard at what I love to do to reach my goals.

To cultivate and sustain meaningful relationships.

To push myself out of my (many!) comfort zones.

To challenge myself and others to embrace positivity.

To live in the moment (even when it's a tough one).

To look for and celebrate the good things in life. 

"I think the purpose of life is to be useful, 
to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate.  
It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, 
to have made some difference that you lived at all."

Leo Rosten

What did you think of Rosten's ideas of what life's purpose is? 
Have you given some thought now to your own purpose? What IS your purpose?

As we all know our purposes in life differs but its our ability to know what we want out of life that constitute the driving force to living a fulfilled Life to its fullest.

To get to this stage there is a lot about our Thoughts and who we finally become. Quickly lets look at things we can imbibe to positively give us the confidence and eventually make us who we ought to be to live life to its fullness and ultimately fulfilling purpose:

•  Most negative thoughts are based on a misinterpretation of the situation. If you feel negative, look around the situation. Are the facts on which you base your pessimism correct? Are you really judging other people accurately? Are you imagining the worst, with no actual reason for doing so? Try to shift your attitude to a more positive one.
•  Alter your mental images. By exploring and developing your mental representations you can feel much better about yourself and life. For example, if you're feeling resentful towards your partner, imagine him as a small child who needs a hug. If you feel threatened by a colleague, imagine her in a silly hat. If the weather's awful, imagine a sunny day.
• One way to achieve long-term positivity is to ask why you are thinking negatively. Are you frightened of what might happen in life - scared of being cut dead by friends, losing your job, splitting up with your partner? The answer is to face the fear, imagining what you would do and how you would cope if these things happened. Once you've faced up to your worst fear, it will automatically feel less scary and you'll be more able to cope.
•  Using constructive language can turn your negative thoughts around. Be aware of your words. Instead of thinking 'I can't', tell yourself how you can. Instead of saying, 'I regret' say, 'next time I will'. Instead of 'this is awful' tell yourself what opportunities there are in the situation.
•  Learn to handle strong negative emotions. If you feel bad, don't bottle it up or push it down. Instead, work off the bad feeling with physical exercise. Calm yourself by relaxing and focusing on calming thoughts. Talk through your feelings with a friend or a professional counselor.
• Optimists take credit for the good things that happen, while putting the bad things down to coincidence, circumstance or mistake. Although you need to take responsibility for what goes on in your life - if something goes wrong, don't take all the blame. Focus on your successes and recognize your contribution to things that turn out well.
• You won't feel positive if you spend most of your time doing things you hate. If you are in the wrong job, change it. If you are in the wrong relationship, move on. Make time each day to do activities you enjoy and to indulge yourself.
•  Don't let a tiny problem escalate into disaster. Immediately stop the downward spiral by injecting some positivity into the situation. Do something small that you know will succeed - such as a small specific task that you've done many times and that you know you are not going to fail at - this can be anything from making a cup of tea, writing an email or tidying a file. Let this sense of achievement boost you to take another, bigger step to success.                                                                                                

  The more meaning you see in life, the easier you will find it to be positive. This means having a sense that there is a plan, a point, a purpose to life. Spend time thinking about why you are here in this world - and then let that sense of purpose guide you. I BELIEVE YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE...I BELIEVE IN YOU

BUSAYO...MINDSET DEVELOPER, TRAINER, COUNSELLOR: The Right Attitude

BUSAYO...MINDSET DEVELOPER, TRAINER, COUNSELLOR: The Right Attitude: "If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22..."

The Right Attitude

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26, then
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% only
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% only
L+O+V+E = 12+15+22+5=54% only
L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47%

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

Some of us have seen this at one time or the other but have we really considered what it really is about.

It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100%. The difference between a champion and the average person is that the successful person keeps trying when the average person quits – his attitude drives him on. The successful people refuse to consider the possibility of quitting because they are totally convinced that success is imminent.

Attitude isn't quite everything when it comes to being successful, but attitude plays a part in virtually every phase of your life. Your attitude affects many people, from your family to the stranger you smile at on the street corner. Your attitude is particularly important when you face seemingly hopeless situations. Losing a job, mate, or friend because of a lousy attitude is unfortunate — especially because a bad attitude can be fixed.

You can find at least two ways to look at virtually everything. A pessimist looks for difficulty in the opportunity, whereas an optimist looks for opportunity in the difficulty

Unfortunately, many people look only at the problem and not at the opportunity that lies within the problem. Many employees complain about the difficulty of their jobs, for example, not realizing that if the job were simple, the employer would hire someone with less ability at a lower wage. A small coin can hide even the sun if you hold the coin close enough to your eye. So when you get too close to your problems to think objectively about them, try to keep in mind how your vision can be obstructed, take a step back, and look at the situation from a new angle. Look up instead of down.

Pessimism muddies the water of opportunity. Anytime a new innovation comes along promising to make life easier, someone always complains that it will take the jobs of other people

You can't do anything to change the fact that a problem exists, but you can do a great deal to find the opportunity within that problem. You're guaranteed a better tomorrow by doing your best today and developing a plan of action for the tomorrows that lie ahead. Just remember to maintain a positive mental attitude so that, as you plan for tomorrow, you're doing so with the sense of expectancy that produces substantially better results.

So why don’t you be the best you can be by looking for opportunities around you and making the best use of it…MAKE THAT PROBLEM A STEPPING STONE, MAKE THAT SITUATION A SOLUTION…I BELIEVE IN YOU

Growing Up vs. Growing Old

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know.

I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop.

I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." As we laughed she cleared her throat and began:

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.

You have to laugh and find humor everyday.

You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability.

The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change.

Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be

by Author Unknown

MY WORLD

Now... Where do i start from? I personally have a little story about myself ild love to share with you. Growing up was abit fun in that i thought i was a weird girl. Everyone seemed to like me but i felt opposite about myself. Felt there was more to me than i looked... i was very careful with words and actions because i never wanted to be involved in a hot argument or fight. I seem so good and everyone commended me,well it got to a point i just never wanted  commendations again<the Devil i bet> i wanted to do something bad,something that will bring the wrath of my parents on me. At an early age of 8years i started wondering what it would be like to smoke and drink...thought of movies and how a novice coughs so much after taking a stick of cigar. i dared myself and i was suprised that it seem good...YEEPIE! I had something to do and it went on and on and on till i was about 12years old...well by now as a typical Nigerian 12 year old girl,no one would have guessed. it was so annoying knowing that noone knew what i was doing yet it felt good not being the good girl always . After a while i fell terribly ill and my Doctor Diagonised me of Asthma... ASTHMA????? God was surely paying me back and then i realised that really there just was a part of me that wanted to do something right... everyone trusted me to and so it would be easier ...but as time past i realised that people were expecting so much than i could give and i was scared of letting them down... then i sat down and asked myself after one sat afternoon, i have just been invited for a gospel filmshow which i never guessed will change my life forever and after the movie, i asked myself if it was best to please people,myself or God...from that day onwards,i chose to please God first then myself and my neighbours of course according to Gods will...Its over 13 years now and i would say i made a good choice. Day in day out i ask myself my reason for existence and i found out that unlike many people that live long with no impact,ild rather live for a short while and make a huge impact. This has made me question how i live every single day of my life cos i bet we all know that any day could be the last;;;So ild ask everyone this Question.... How are you living every day of your life and when you Go,what will you be remembered for? this is just the begining i hope to start of on this note saying... BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE IN ALL YOU DO, I BELIEVE IN YOU